This post is going to be part one of Reed's first birthday (apparently this occasion requires multiple posts by me) and some beautiful family pictures!
So yesterday was Reed's first birthday. And unless you are completely new to my blog or living under a rock - you knew that. Yes, I had an emotional evening prior to the big day. Yes, I slept like crap that night. Yes, I had an emotional morning on his birthday. But then I sorted out whatever emotions I was having and really enjoyed the rest of the day! I hope to give you another post this evening, including pictures of his birthday celebration! But now, I give you his one year baby stats and developments:
He weighs 21 pounds 7.5 ounces
He is 29 inches tall
He is in the 50th percentile for almost everything size-wise.
He is on track with all developmental milestones, except that he has yet to say a word. The doc assures me that this is no biggy right now, he's a boy that is more interested in playing that learning to talk. He does "talk" a lot, using similar inflection in his fake words, yet no specific words said to a specific person (we hear a lot of mamama, dadada, papapa, bababa but to nothing in particular). Though he may say "hi" we aren't really sure.
He is stacking things (see previous post with picture) which doc says is pretty cool and advanced.
He has a heart murmur. We didn't know this before - it's a benign thing, called Stills.
We got some family pics taken by Chad Kirkland last weekend (over Mother's Day weekend). Side note: to all of my wonderfully talented photog friends and family - I'm sorry I could not get pictures taken by all of you. You are great people and take unbelievably beautiful pictures; I could either not afford your services or you are too far away. I still love every one of you. Ok, back to the pictures. Chad did a great job, a young kid just getting started in the biz. Here are just some of my favorites! Also notice one of the pictures as the new Fogg Blogg pic. Enjoy!
Literally, a year ago, I was in the hospital, really starting to feel my contractions. Now, I have this amazing little boy that I never thought I could feel so much love for. I'm very sure that this evening and tomorrow mean nothing to Reed (it's just another day to him!) but for me, it's really bringing back memories of how quickly the year has gone, how much in my life has changed, how much I have changed. In some ways it's been a fast year, in others a very slow year. But nonetheless, it's been an entire year! I'm fairly overcome with emotion when I think of giving birth to Reed, thinking about the year, and knowing it's his first birthday tomorrow! I'm actually surprised how emotional I am getting about the whole thing.
In some ways I miss the tiny (ok well, as tiny as Reed ever was at 9 pounds) little newborn who couldn't keep his own head up, spit up pretty much all the time, slept all the time and hated tummy time. But mostly, I'm so excited to watch Reed learn new things all the time, discover the world around him and take all those big new steps in life. I can't wait till he is really walking on his own. And when he says his first word. Mostly because I wish only success and happiness for my child and though walking may make my life a bit more chaotic, it's worth it to watch my child progress. It's crazy how much joy a parent gets from watching their child grow and learn. I never understood it before children.
So as I go to sleep tonight (something I didn't do last year on May 18th!) I will think long and hard I'm sure about my little baby boy, whose first year went WAY too quickly and that I don't think I could love any more than I already do. I'm sure there will be way more pictures and posts in the next week as we have his actual birthday tomorrow with a small group of family and lots of gifts I'm sure, a party on Saturday and other goodness. Before I go tonight, I will share with you some of his newest talents:
He loves the bath! Here he is throwing out his rubber ducky and screaming in delight.
Maybe going to be a plumber?
After his adventure under the sink, he disappeared and I found him playing by himself in his room. He was talking to himself and throwing things.
And this might just be my favorite new thing he's doing - stacking. If he can find a way to balance one object on another, he'll do it. He was playing in the pantry then took off. A few minutes later, I walk in the pantry to get something and this is what I found. Hysterical!
My first Mother's day was great! Though Reed didn't do much (he had no idea obviously that it was mother's day), Fogg did a nice job of making it sweet for me. It really started on Friday, when Fogg explained that his planned gift didn't work out so well. He was going to make a plaster cast of Reed's hand but it got a little screwed up when he tried it (I suppose you have to do it like 5 times before it's a good result). So we were going to do it again as a family! Fun! But unfortunately, we screwed it up again! Oh well.
Saturday, we went and got some family pictures taken. Fogg isn't exactly photogenic, but he was a trooper and didn't complain too much ;) I'm so excited to see how they turned out! Then we went to Costco and picked up some beautiful flowers! I love having flowers in the house - they just make you feel happier! We went and had a nice dinner at a place we've never been to in Bountiful - boy there are a lot of kids in Bountiful! Anyway, it was pretty yummy, especially the baked cookie dessert thing!
Unfortunately, that night, Fogg got called out for Search and Rescue and didn't make it to bed until 2am! So on Sunday morning, I hung out with my little guy until Fogg got up. We headed off to church where we met up with our good friend Sean Hall. Sean was able to hang out with us the rest of the day! We headed back home so Reed could nap before lunch at Taggart's. Luckily, we called ahead for a reservation, cause I heard there was an hour and a half wait - at 1pm! After a yummy lunch, and a cookie to go, we headed home for a bike ride. Here are some pictures of that:I'm glad that Fogg pulls this thing - I'm not sure I could do it, plus it makes it harder for him so maybe I have a chance of keeping up...
I'm not sure why he likes to eat his sock, but he does!
Here is Fogg and Sean
More sock eating...
After the bike ride, we headed to our neighbors house for some libations and good conversation. We had a good time laughing and telling stories. And Sean ate lots more food (not sure where he puts it cause I was still full from lunch and his skinny little body fit a whole other meal in there!) Reed played in the little house that the neighbor girl, Kya, has. He was really enjoying it. The rest of the evening was back to "normal", putting Reed to bed, cleaning up for the day, getting ready for another week. We were able to complete our hand plaster project on Tuesday, here is the almost final result. We still need to put it in the frame/box with a picture from our outing. I'm so excited to see the final product, what a unique and special Mother's Day gift! Lots of stuff going on in the next few weeks! It's our 6th anniversary this Saturday, then Fogg's parents join us to celebrate Reed's birthday on Wednesday! We are having a birthday party next Saturday, then Fogg's brother and family come in that week! I'm so excited for all the visitors and fun we are going to have. It's going to be so fun to see our niece and show around Dale and Georgette to our new home. We also have lots planned while they are here - it'll be so fun to bring the kids to stuff and to let them hang out. Gabby sure does love Reed so I can't wait for them to interact. Last time she saw him, he was like 3 months old and didn't do much. Hopefully he learns to walk in the next few weeks so that they can really have fun playing together. So excited!!!
As my first Mother’s Day approaches, I have spent a little time (on my drive, see previous post about my drive) thinking about my first year as a mother.I gave birth just after mother’s day last year, so I get to really commemorate my mother’s day s in full years.It’s still weird to be called a “mom” but I’m getting more used to it, as I’m dying for Reed to say ‘mama’ before he says anything else.I’ve also very much embraced becoming a parent and when you do that, you become a mom.
I’ve been thinking if I’ve been a good mom so far or not.Do the choices I make help my son grow and learn?Have I made decisions that might harm his physical health?Am I mentoring him enough by example to teach him to be a good person?Am I too protective, not protective enough?Am I the kind of mom that my son looks back on as the most amazing person in his life?
If you look at things practically, then I guess I’m doing ok.He’s still alive – score one for me.He’s pretty happy and healthy – two for me.He’s clean, well-fed, cared-for and sheltered – three for me.But let’s go beyond that.I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that I work full time and spend almost every day, all day long away from him and have to depend on very, very generous people in my life to care for him.
For all practical purposes, I have to work.I must earn the income to support the lifestyle that we chose.Do I want to work?Well, no, not really.If I didn’t have the restraint of finances, I’d probably stay at home.But at the same time, thinking about being home all day every day (and by home, I mean the sole caregiver for my child) makes me crazy!I need to challenge my mind, interact with other adults, do something to feel a purpose.Is what I do so important that it makes the world go round? No, but what I do is interesting, challenging and people seem to appreciate me.But most days, I spend much of my day wondering what Reed is doing.Is he napping, eating, playing?Is he happy, doing something new, learning something?
Several months ago, Reed was on the cusp of crawling as I have my coat on, bag over my shoulder, car keys in hand to go to work.I would have died if he crawled for the first time while I was at work.So I stuck around to watch it happen and was ½ hour late to work.Absolutely worth it!But how many other firsts am I going to miss while at work?I don’t get to know every nuance of Reed’s day or behavior.I don’t get to observe when something just clicks for him.What if I miss the first real steps?Or first word?I’m so busy that I didn’t get do things that I wanted to like take a picture of him every week next to the same stuffed animal.For this, I feel like a failure.I feel like I’m not always there for him when he might want me.I’m certainly not the only “woman” in his life he can completely trust.I’m not the one that taught him everything he knows.
On the other hand, when I work, Reed learns valuable things that I can never teach him.Like how to trust that I’ll ALWAYS come back.And that there are other fabulous, loving people in his life that would do anything for him (thanks so much Nana and Lala!).And how to relax and nap in an unfamiliar place. And to play with other kids sometimes (thanks Bree and Jill!).And to be with a stranger sometimes is ok.And to be with other dogs. I’d say that he is a well adjusted child because of this.
People told me that after the first few months back to work, I wouldn’t be so sad to be away from my kiddo, that it got better.I’m apparently not like these people because it has not gotten better.I’m still sad to walk out the door in the morning and drive away from my little buddy.I’m still so glad to walk in the door at the end of the day to see him.I still wish all day long that I could give him a kiss or watch him sleep.I’ve been back at work for 9 months now and I still feel like I did that first day.
Being a mom is hard work.A kind of hard work that can’t be described or empathized with.It’s that you are always a mother.Every moment of every day, you are a mom.When you are away from them, you are still a mom that worries and wonders and loves and wishes.You must provide everything from making them clean, to a bed to lay their big heads.And food to put in their mouths and a shoulder to rest on.The burden of a mother doesn’t ever go away. And I appreciate my mom a whole lot more for being a mom.
So the debate goes on, every single day in my head – Work v Mom.Do I have to choose?Can I be both?I wish nothing more than the best for my child, as every parent feels.Is working actually making me a better parent because I’m not frustrated, or worse because I spoil him when I am there?Until I have a choice, I suppose I’ll have to learn to be ok with being a working mom.
I can’t be perfect at being a parent, I don’t believe there is such a thing.But I hope that I allow him to explore and learn things on his own, but still make sure he is safe.I hope that I give discipline when it’s needed and love when it’s wanted.And teach him to be a good, respectful, caring, giving, thoughtful and intelligent adult.But at least I get 17 more years to figure that out…
So I was thinking the other day, when you are flipping through the TV channels on a lazy afternoon, what movie will you always stop on, even if you've seen it a million times? Here is my list:
Blue Lagoon - there is something supremely interesting about a young Brooke Shields and some dude with curly hair, stranded on a tropical island, make a very elaborate jungle house, have a baby and basically live like royalty. Seriously, they don't know what puberty is before they get there, they don't understand why she had a baby, somehow they figure out how to keep it alive (I'm still unsure of the gender of this baby) with breast feeding. They never run out of clothes or food. Anyway, I'll always watch it cause it's that bad.
Anything with Tom Hanks - Big, Castaway (apparently I have something for the stranded on a desert island type movies), Philadelphia, Joe vs. The Volcano (again with the island...). Forrest Gump, Sleepless in Seattle, Saving Private Ryan, Catch me if you can, League of their own are all personal favorites of mine. Seriously, anything with good ole Tommy.
Elf. I mean how can you not?
Titanic - Rose, Jack, Iceberg - 'nuff said.
Shawshank Redemption. How smart is Tim Robbins? Love it!
A River Runs Through It. Oh, I think this is Brad at his finest. What a sad and fascinating story.
What's Eating Gilbert Grape - I think Leo is the best in this movie.
Ocean's Eleven - I could watch this movie a million times.
I've learned some things about myself in the past few years. I just turned 29 and I feel like I have found more about myself in the past 5-6 years than I did before. I have come to understand some things about myself that I no longer try to hide or deny. Here is one of those things: I am very particular. You could call it high maintenance, or pickiness, or something like that but I'm going to call it being particular because I don't really see my thing as a selfish behavior, just who I am. I used to think that I could eat whatever, but it turns out that I'm very picky when it comes to food (this is probably a subject for a different post, I'm talking about something else today). Today I would like to talk about "going out".
So last night, we got to hang out with some friends and go to dinner, a supercross (dirt bike) event then went out for a friends birthday party. Sounds innocent enough. I really enjoyed dinner. We went to a fun, very popular mexican joint in Salt Lake, called Red Iguana. There was six of us. We had a few drinks, a yummy meal and good conversation. We laughed a lot. Then off to the supercross event. This is when I started to get a little grumpy. I didn't really mind the walk to the stadium, or walking to our seats. I didn't mind sitting down in the stands and enjoying the event. I really enjoyed watching the first few races. But then the rain really started coming down. I was prepared for it, rain pants, rubber boots with thick socks, a rain jacket. But then it just kept raining. I looked under my seat to discover my purse sitting in a puddle of water. This is the turning point of my mood I believe. I'm very controlled, a bit OCD probably, about my things. So I was kinda upset about this discovery. But I sucked it up, went and got myself a mug of hot choco. I even brought my environmentally responsible reusable mug and the dude told me that he wasn't supposed to sell me the hot choco to put in my own mug, he was going to give me the styrofoam mug. I agreed to pay the higher price even so I could use my own. Lame. I drank my hot choco, then went back to my soggy seat. I got colder and colder. Luckily I did not get wet. Towards the end, it really started to rain, so I went back to the hallway to stay out of the downpour and found myself getting even more cold and grumpy. By the time the even ended, luckily it stopped raining, I caught the last few laps of the final race, and we trekked back to the car.
After discussion, though I would have MUCH rather just gone home, we decided to drop by the friends birthday party. Well, here I am in my rubber boots, wool jacket, horrible hat hair and sort of bad mood. We go to a bar (actually a nice one at that) to meet up with a bunch of very drunk, nicely dressed beautiful people. Bars are definitely NOT my thing. Luckily it was well lit, sort of spacious (for a bar), not smoky and the music wasn't terrible. However, it has become abundantly clear that this is not my scene. This is what happens in situations like this:
I find a corner, wall or post to stand next to. Last night, I was clinging to the banister at the bottom of the stairs. I look around at the beautiful people with their perfect hair, nice clothes, high heels, and confidence. Then I look at myself. I have self identified myself as the DD, so I'm not drinking. I'm talking to someone who needs to scream in my face so that I can hear him over the music. I'm self conscious about how my breath smells cause I have to yell back in his face to respond. I don't have a voice that I feel like I can even yell, so my responses become very short. Then the birthday boy comes over to say hi and he is totally hammered. What do you even say besides Happy Birthday? But I'm glad I got to wish it to him, even if he won't remember. So I stand there, look around, get even more "out of place". I don't have the fancy tank tops and nice jeans. I don't have the boobs to fill them anyway. I don't have nice hair and makeup.
This situation is not my thing - this much I know. I love hanging out with friends. I love doing that at a restaurant where we can hear each other or at home where I'm comfortable (and not clinging to a support beam). I like that my friends and family like me just the way I look and I don't have to sport a fancy top that shows my non-existent cleavage. I absolutely LOVE that my husband likes me just the way I am and I don't have to go to bars to find someone to like me. So that is just the way I am. I'm not the bar type and you know what, that's ok with me. I'd rather be the skier girl type. Or the search and rescue girl type. Or the hang out at home with my dear family type.
Well, Happy Birthday to Max. Thanks James and Michelle for the great dinner and motocross event. Let's all go dirt biking together! And there is my two cents for today.
My favorite one!
