Panicked

Well, on Friday, Nora turns 13 weeks old. That means it's time for me to go back to work next week. I'm absolutely freaking out about it. I've been trying my best to be calm and prepared but there is little else in the world harder than leaving your kids in the care of someone else. You have people you trust, which makes things slightly easier, but it's still a hard thing. Especially a young infant. I'm thankful in a way that my kids will go to daycare so that they learn to respect all adults, interact with other kids, watch mom and dad have work commitments and it also gives me a chance to do something else and challenge my brain a little. But don't let that kid you, if we had the financial means, I would absolutely choose to stay home with my little critters until they went to school. I try to find the benefits and positives to a situation that I don't particular care for.

I worry for Nora. I hope that she feels safe and happy in the care of people she does not know. I hope she eats and sleeps well while she is there. I hope she is not sad that I'm not there. I worry for myself. I worry that I'm going to worry all day long (that seems like a dumb thing to worry about - worrying...). I hope that I can focus on my work and be a productive addition to my company rather than being a basket case thinking and missing my little girl (and Reed too). I mean, Reed has done just fine being in daycare since the same age as Nora and he is well adjusted, happy, respectful (to others). There is something about a little girl that makes you feel like you have to protect them more I guess.

I feel like I've absolutely wasted away the past 13 weeks. What do I have to show for it? I'm still a little shakey on the schedule, I didn't accomplish any big tasks, I haven't prepared myself or Nora well for me to go back to work. I haven't stored up very much milk cause I got lazy about pumping.

The biggest thing hanging over my head is that I know it's going to be absolute chaos every day when I do go back. I have to get up every morning, get ready for work, get the kids up and ready for daycare, pack their bags, load everyone up in the car, drive to daycare, sadly leave them, drive to work, do work stuff, pump three times during the day, have a prayer of working out sometime during the day, drive home, make dinner, eat, clean up, get kids ready for bed, repack the kids bags, clean out my pump and repack, put milk in storage bags, pack new bottles for the next day, change out work out clothes, maybe have a small conversation with my husband and go to bed. Ugh. In preparation for this chaos, I have cleaned the whole house and plan on cleaning out closets this weekend so that everything is as organized and clean as it's going to be prior to having no time to do it at all in the coming months.

Well, enough of that, just had to get it out. I'm freaking out ok?

So, there is my heart, out and open for you to read. I'm really panicked about leaving my little girl next week. So in parting, here is a cute video of her talking today.




I'm loving a mom's group that I attend. We took the week after Christmas off, but a few of us still got together to let the little ones play together. Here is Reed, Jane and Ava playing with play-do (a special treat for all of them). I loved how teacher Amy (Jane's mom) instructed them all to stay in their seats and not mix the different colors and they all listened and obeyed. I think Jane made a blanket with hers. Not sure what Ava made. Reed just kept cutting the same piece over and over.
I just love this. When we get home after running errands and both kids are asleep, it makes me happy.
That's it for now~